Hercules in New York

I just finished watching this a short while ago. “Hercules in New York”. Now, I’m the first to admit I have a dirty fascination for bad movies (especially atrocious Godfrey Ho martial arts movies), but this was almost too much for me to take. Not even good company and whiskey could make this experience bearable.

Before Schwartzenegger was a governor, he was an actor. Before that, he was a bodybuilder. Somewhere inbetween, he was a bodybuilder in a movie. I do not call him an actor, as the acting in this moving was so demanding for him that in the original release, Schwartzenegger was dubbed by some other guy with the voice of a robot to make him more comprehensible. (The modern DVD release features Schwartzenegger’s own voice, as he re-dubbed himself.)

The above scene is the best part of the movie. Unfortunately. Dear god. Yes, that is a “bear”. imdb trivia states that somewhere in this scene, the bear is wearing a shoe. Good luck finding it, I don’t think I can stand watching it one more time within a day.

Before you go ahead and get impressed by the soundtrack, I have to add that this is the same theme song that was playing on loop throughout the entire movie.

I think the Halloween-costumed bear was the best actor in the whole movie… and even that looks too crappy to even have made it into the worst monster-suited Power Rangers episode.

You’d be hard-pressed to find a worse movie than this.

I can’t believe what an upgrade Conan the Barbarian is from this shit.