Traveling to Finland

These are a compilation of documents I scribbled onto whatever pieces of paper I could find at the Manchester airport today. I also took lots of photos. Those will follow soon.

Scribbled on the cover of my boardingpass:

Been here too long. No longer find it a surprise or a chore to have to wait on or for a train, bus, or plane.

They are threatening George Greves now. They’re telling him they’re removing his luggage. The crowd shouts, “GO, George, GO!!!” as a black man with a shopping bag and trolley jogs to gate 55. He laughs. I would probably be closer to tears. Was he really that cheerful?

The woman making the announcement in her prim, cold English voice seemed to be talking more to the rest of us than to George.

LET THIS BE A WARNING TO YOU ALL.

George here hasn’t made it on time. GEORGE is being kicked off.

Dad just pointed out how enamoured these people are with roundabaouts - there’s even one f or planes. I’ve really been here too long. I barely notice them anymore.

Scribbled on the back of a piece of paper where they warn of the boarding gate closing 10 minutes before departure time, in the business lounge:

As laser-eyed Queen of the Universe, I demand better treatment. Do you truly expect me to have to pay to use the internet in the Business Lounge? Pathetic. The very fact that I am here should provide you with payment enough.

Also, while you may have a broad assortment of crisps, I see no sandwiches. We are Not Pleased. The tea-selection was most excellent; although it contained none of my favorite, the assortment was wide enough for me to find good things.

However, there is no hot chocolate. What do you expect chocolate-drinkers to do? Be satisfied with free tea, coffee, fruit juice, and alcoholic beverages? THE IMPUDENCE!

Oh, and I note a distinct lack of free writing paper. Tsk tsk.

And that fancy clock being projected onto the wall has stopped. Also, it is out of focus. And if I look up, I see ugly ventilation ducts behind the shiny grid on the ceiling.

Ah, sandwiches do exist, hidden in some secret crevice.

After finding out the plane was delayed, during a trip back to the business lounge, I scribbled the following onto a free envelope:

We have returned to the lounge and feasted upon your free sandwiches - which were thoughtfully divided into three sections: meat, vegetarian, and fish. I was disappointed to find that the fish-section only offered scrumptious prawn-sandwiches and tuna. No salmon! Grrrrrr. However, they tasted better than standard cocktail table sandwiches, so Kudos to you, business lounge.

Then I decided, after my third drink, to venture into the magical world of Business class lavoratories to avoid using the one on the plane. (I am cursed with a bizarre spell: (try to) go to the toilet and air turbulence will doubtlessly ensue.)

I walked in. I chose a stall. It was large enough to fit a wheelchair. the toiletpaper was soft, there were three bins for me to toss things into, there was a sink with two taps, and some paper towels. It was all shiny and clean, and although the water taps were of a primitive heterozygotic sort, the hot water wasn’t too hot although it was hot. The soap dispensed was of some designer brand. Because my hands felt a bit dry afterwards, I helped myself to some designer handlotion. Unfortunately, this scented lotion made me sneeze quite a bit. Oh, and I said the normal stalls were large enough to fit a wheelchair. Well, the one intended for wheelchair users was large enough to fit a king-size bed.

I am now sitting by the window, gazing down at all the little people scurrying about. I raise one eyebrow and angle my head so taht I might most efficiently sniff at them.

We don’t have any “don’t-leave-your-baggage-unattended-or-we’ll-blow-it-up”-messages. We’re too good for you little rats. HA! And we’re smart enough to know where smoking is or isn’t prohibited. And these wooden screens provide some privacy.

The whole damn place looks like an IKEA-catalogue.

I am getting drowsy. I might snooze, as the receptionist promised to come fetch me when the plane is ready for boarding again.

*sniff*