Common Insults

“You suck.”
“iPods lick balls.”
“You butt-munch.”
“You ass-hat.”
“Fucker.”

These are supposed to be insults. But there’s something so weak and pathetic about them, it’s a wonder anyone can actually be insulted by them. I suppose the truth is that “it’s the thought that counts”. And yet the thought of these insults is so absurd.

“You suck.” What? What is it I suck? And so what? Would it be so bad if I did?

“iPods lick balls.” Like I said before, this would be quite a popular device if this were true. Ok, it’s already popular, but imagine the kind of technology that would go into this. A retractable ‘tongue’-device with the correct texture, warmth, and moistness. And not to mention the trouble of ‘animating it’, getting it to move right and not too powerfully. Imagine what sort of damage such a device could cause if it somehow malfunctioned and went from ‘lick’-mode to ‘crush-mode.

“You butt-munch.” I personally think this insult insults the insulter more than the supposedly insulted because it seems to say more about the insulter’s habits than the insulted. “Oh yes. When I’m hungry, I just stick my hand down and grab me some crunchy chips. And you’re just like one of them.” Heh. What sad soul gets insulted from that? What sad soul tries to insult like that?

[original entry from modblog - rest of entry has been lost to the ravages of time]