A sensation of dreaming

Do you ever have days when nothing feels like it’s quite real?

Many months ago, Eyal took me to a spa for my birthday. It was the first time I’d ever been to a spa, and I think also the first time anyone ever takes me somewhere to stay overnight as a surprise. It was very good. In fact, it was so good that by now it doesn’t feel real. It feels as though something I read in a novel, or a dream, or perhaps a film. I have to remind myself that yes, it did happen. Yes, it was real. 

Last night, I had a strange dream. I changed myself into a horse and that was fun for a while, until I decided I wanted to be a Pegasus. After a while, I decided that Pegasi are so passé and the hooves are too clumsy and so I decided a giant flying cat was more my cup of tea. All the while, I was having trouble convincing myself that I would be able to fly, despite my wings, because of my sheer size. Apparently in real life, there was a dinosaur that weighed 75-100 kg and had a wingspan of 11 meters. But a horse is even bigger. By the end of the dream, I got tired of convincing myself I was a winged feline and decided to go for the gargoyle. Sure, it’s made of stone and not alive, but somehow that seemed the easiest shape to stay aloft.

I’ve lead a very calm, relaxed morning-noon, reading a Stephen King book I bought for Eyal. I actually started reading it last night, as an effort to trick myself into falling asleep earlier than the night before. Unfortunately, when I stopped, I just grew more awake again… Sneaky brain! This morning, I spent an hour or two in bed with the book and a very finicky cat as company. It was soothing, despite the cat’s insistence that nothing touch him except his own cleaning tongue.

After too much hard-core reading, everything threatens to feel unreal. My mind feels cloudy, like it has many other thoughts and ideas swirling through it than the immediate present or future. Somewhere, I register the fact that I’m going to go buy some bread and juice; that I’d better take the meat out of the freezer so I can have something for dinner. But nothing feels very urgent.

And it’s a relief.