I'm full of shit.

More so than usual.

You see, it all started around 3 am the night before the night before last night. (Or three nights ago, which is probably a clearer way to phrase it.) I woke up from this awful awful pain in my stomach. It felt like I had magically grown a pair of nuts somewhere inside me and someone very small was repeatedly punching them over and over again, in furious little waves.

Now, it was not the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, but it still had me wriggling around like a little Ann-Mi worm. After a while of writhing and attempting to go to sleep, I decided to go to the toilet to discover what was going on with the aid of my trusty friend, the toilet.

And thus began an awful day which consisted mostly of squirming around, clutching my stomach, vomiting, and pooing this horrible horrible liquid toffee stuff! (You may think it disgusting to read about it, but trust me, it was even more horrific for me to be producing it!) I was afraid of leaving the house for losing access to the handy-dandy toilet. Oh what a lovely invention. Would be awful to have to go outdoors and squat in a bush.. And how wonderful to be able to flush the monstrosities down! And while I’m at it, praised be the inventor of air-freshener! I think otherwise I would have to put up BIOHAZARD - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK-signs… which is even more embarassing when at someone else’s house.

Night nr. 2 proceeded far better. There was no more vomiting, no more cold sweat, and I didn’t even have to make my way to the toilet to evacuate the Evil that Lies Within.

Day nr. 2 I was able to leave the house already. I didn’t even need a toilet for many hours on end! It was wonderful. But I was still having these very annoying “kick you in the nuts not-so-gently”-aches and pains, which prevented me from enjoying anything for an extended amount of time.
Eyal took me to a really cool factory area which was prop full of museums and artwork, which I shall hopefully write more about later.
Unfortunately, the only poo I was able to generate was this very unsatisfactory anemic-looking thing, the size of a baby’s pinky.
THE CONSTIPATION HAD BEGUN! I did my best to attempt not to complicate matters further by developing hemorrhoids. (Successfully).

Night nr. 3 proceeded almost normally. Almost no pain, and I had no nightmares.

Day number three: the delicate balance of attempting to evacuate my bowels without creating lovely hemorrhoids continued until 12:35 (GMT +2)… When.. I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO SHIT!

AHHH!

So wonderful! I simply can’t express what a relief it is to finally be able to excrete (almost) normally after 2 full days and 3 nights of weirdness!

It goes to show that you REALLY don’t appreciate the things you have until you lose them (even if it is the simple ability to have a proper shit.)