A lot of that going around

I am at an age where people seem to be squirting out accidental babies, getting married, and dropping dead (generally at an older age than the two aforementioned types.)

It’s all a rather depressing experience. First of all, the cornerstones of my childhood have been whittled down into pebbles and lost completely or just changed shape and importance.

My grandparents, whom I admit I did not see overly much - just half a dozen times a year on special occasions, are not what they used to be. Three out of four have died, and the fourth one seems to enjoy teetering on a much self-imposed seesaw. I won’t go into it in depth, but I just wish she would get a grip. I miss the old granny who crafted things, made scrumptious foods, gardened, braided my hair, and watched me play with wooden building sets.

My big brother, who was my idol through my kiddy years, has finally gotten married. It seems he is settling down. This is by no means a bad thing - in fact, I think it’s some of the best news I’ve heard in a long time. It’s been a pleasure to watch it happen, even if it happened so fast that I haven’t fully gotten to know my new sister yet.

My little brother insists on living his own life apart from me. Gone is my “twin” and playmate. Now I have to make do on my own, and although he does try to come visit and encourages me to do so, it’s not the same and it never will be. Ah well. At least I have my memories (until I go demented at an early age).

My parents, although I have rather well managed to hide the truth from myself, are starting to get a little old. (No, don’t be insulted, I said <em>starting</em>!) Dad doesn’t do cartwheels or give piggy-back rides, mother’s ligaments are getting worn, and I refuse to let them exhaust themselves with excessive physical activity or carry heavy objects alone (especially in the case of my mother). What with all the death and illness going around, it’s made me really have to take a deep breath and re-assess the immortality of my parents.
The same applies for my old kitty, who is pretty much deaf, and whose limp has become a daily thing instead of a periodical matter. At least her heart-murmur-induced coughing has stopped ever since she lost so much weight.

And then, there’s work. Somehow, despite commencing work at an art studio which involved physical labor and creativity, I have somehow evolved into your standard office rat, creating things according to previous standards, producing a large amount of stuff in a short amount of time, but all of it looking the same. Some days I get so confused that the only way to keep track of it all is to make a bleeding EXCEL table and make tallies and marks in it as I go along.
Now, work is about to drastically change - I am a freelance graphic designer as of today. This should be good news, only when I look around in the world, there is so much damn talent out there that I don’t know how on earth I’m supposed to be able to compete in any way. The same applies for my other passions - arts, crafts, writing…
In fact, I feel as though I have mostly given up on writing, and I haven’t produced any proper “artwork” in aeons. I don’t think I know what artwork is anymore.
The one thing that I designed myself for a private project has been a complete flop. I have not managed to sell a single of my high-quality offset art cards. Oh well. Perhaps it’ll sell around Christmas instead. But it’s bloody depressing to sit on a stash of 2000 cards that just aren’t going <em>anywhere</em>. The biggest problem is that I simply haven’t had time to properly market the things.

I mentioned that people are squirting out accidental babies left and right. What’s going on? Is everyone punching holes in condoms and forgetting their pills? Are they prescribing to the “just pull out”-way of thinking? What is this?? It’s very confusing and a little bit scary! How can it be happening on such a massive scale among people who definitely know what safe, protected sex is?

As for weddings.. well, that’s alright. I can live with that. Just also happening at a somewhat scary pace - I believe that this year I shall be attending at least four weddings.

And last but not least, I am finally about to move in with someone. It won’t be my first time away from home, but it will be the first time I actually have a short-distance relationship if you don’t count my attempts to seduce a classmate in 6th grade or my knight in shining armor from first year Kindergarten who always saved me from the class bully.
I can’t put into words how much I am looking forward to this.