Crash course in driving

I don’t quite know how to begin this, so please allow me commence in the most clichéd way possible just to get it off my chest. “OMGOMGOMG… OMFG! AARGH!”

Today, my driving instructor took me smack into the center of Helsinki. Goodness gracious it was scary. I mean, first of all, the drive to it was awful. I went along the so-called Länsiväylä, which I guess is some sort of highway. Those speeds were scary, as I am still trying to get a grip of how wide the car actually is as well as how little I have to turn the wheel at what speed for something to happen. For anyone who is even less experienced than me, at fast speeds, the teeniest wheel-movements are felt way more than at slow speeds. In other words, since I’m used to going at a maximum speed of 50 km/h so far, when I start to turn the wheel what felt a comfortable amount then at 100 or 80 km/h, it gets pretty scary for a few moments.

And no, I’m not going to translate that into miles. Go learn kilometers, you prehistoric people

Eventually, after what I experienced as a rather teeth-grinding and fast drive, we made it into the cobble-stoned, bumpy streets of Helsinki. How anyone could drive faster than the speedlimit in there eludes me, as I could barely reach the minimum. I would have thought that people behind me would lose their patience with me and try to pass me by, but strangely enough they were extremely patient and understanding. Some even let me go first in places I would have been perfectly content to wait in. This made it bearable. For a few minutes, even, I found myself enjoying the drive. I interpreted it as some sort of strategy game. What should I do with the gear? Where should I watch? How close can I go? How fast am I going? Where should I go next?

But then my teacher started slamming on the brakes for every car that was parked too close to the zebra crossing because according to the law, if a car has stopped within five meters before a zebra crossing (even if there is no one inside that car), you must stop. I of course was far too concentrated on everything else. Urgh. What a nightmare.

Speaking of nightmares, I managed to make the car stall in the center of one crossroad. Luckily, there was no traffic there at the time and I was able to get it rolling again despite it being uphill. If there is one thing I am almost ok at, it’s starting the car again and getting it moving uphill. Thank you teacher and pappa for drilling it into my thick skull.

Sigh.

I also could not quite grasp a concept involving one-way streets: When you turn left on to a oneway street that has more than one lane, you must make sure you go into the very left-most lane. Damnit. I failed that part twice, but mostly because I didn’t even realize they were one-way streets. Observant I am not.

At least I didn’t nearly run anyone over…. And yet again, I yielded for someone coming from the left. It is so hard for me to learn that I should only yield to the right. I mean, it makes perfect sense, but if I’m driving around being submissive to people who need to get onto the road, I find it so hard to filter out the left side.

On a positive note, I believe I have finally stopped raping the poor gearbox. By the end of the lesson, I was even remembering to switch between 1 and 2 and stuff. I am disappointed to say that on the motorway, I accidentally shifted to 4 instead of 6, but luckily the teacher rescued me fast. I think he was prepared for it.

I feel sorry for the teacher. He drove away right afterwards, and the wheel must have been drenched in clammy stressed out hand-sweat. Gross.

People, if you haven’t had driving lessons yet, always remember to apply deoderant very liberally, as you will be sweating more than usual. Please remember to do this especially if you have to go driving at 8 in the morning and you have a full day of work and then lectures all the way to the evening.

When I stepped out of the car, my legs felt like rubber.

So if you find yourself in southern Finland within the next few weeks, please be on your toes and look out for a certain very nervous driver. Ugh.