The Squirrel Incident

If there is a god, it’s one with a bad sense of humor.

Today I arrived home before anyone else. I emptied the mailboxes and then wandered over to my granny’s porch to behold a gruesome and tragic sight. It was the fluffy, fuzzy, cute little corpse of a red squirrel lying on its belly. A blood stain decorated the porch and the squirrel looked completely undamaged except for a missing section of it - namely the bit between the nose and the neck.

It was the victim of the mighty hunter, Piipero. Usually, I’m all for cats being able to hunt outdoors, but when the victim is one of my beloved fluffy little squirrel friends instead of your average mouse or bird, I feel sad.

I present you a picture of the flesh-rending monster of a feline:

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Isn’t she harmless-looking? Yes.. I know. She looks nothing like a squirrel-murdering brain-eating zombie. I’m going to attempt to photoshop it to make it more realistic.

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Ok. I’m not really proud of the result. It’s pretty crappy but I think it packs a bigger punch. This would more likely make it onto the film poster of my spatter film.

I’m impressed by the cat. It caught one of the more elusive rodents in our yard and it did it while it was still on a leash. How? I have no idea. And instead of going for the neck, it went straight for the brainnnnzzzz…

I went upstairs to get a plastic bag to put the poor little squirrel inside of. I wanted to store it safely for later burial so the birds don’t eat it… It didn’t feel right to put the little critter in the bin. Then I realize there’s an envelope on the ground with my name on it.

I picked it up and carried it up, leaving the squirrel-baggy dangling from the play-house. The Netherlands? Intriguing. I opened the envelope and saw that there was a greeting card inside and on a hunch started hoping there wasn’t a squirrel on it.

Of course. There was a squirrel. A really fluffy cute cuddly-wuddly squirrel-kin sitting there exclaiming, “A little note to say hello!”

Shit.

Seriously. This is just creepy. I ate the two enclosed Stroopwafels to honor the memory of the Unknown Squirrel.